Free Write - Jan. 29

"Bobo, the Magical Beagle"
Once upon a time, there lived a remarkably unremarkable beagle named Bobo. As far as beagles go, he was fairly average. Right up there with Tinkly-Winkly, Snuggles McCuddlyflop, and Butch, all three being irresistibly normal beagles themselves. Yes, Bobo matched every other beagle in floppy-earedness, cuddlocity, and sad-eye-aciousness. He lived in a typical beagle den, which had a typical beagle doormat on a typical beagle front step. His bedroom was typically beagle-esque, having in it a fuzzy bed, several chewy bones, and numerous pictures of Jennifer Grey. Pre-nose job, when she looked innocent in an adult-like fashion, like she looked in Dirty Dancing, which is, in fact, the very reason why all male beagles have posters of Jennifer Grey in the first place. Female beagles are known for their somewhat inexplicable, yet somewhat understandable, attraction to Patrick Swayze, mostly due to the same movie that inspires male beagles, and partially due to his stunning career in Disney on Parade. But that’s another barrel of fish.
Gazing from his window, Bobo wondered to himself if his evolution to the present had taken him so far from his origins as a forest-dwelling rabbit hunter that he could not survive in the wild. Could his captivatingly cute looks keep him safe in the woods? Would his waggedy tail ward off the dangers that so often beset domesticated animals when released into the wild? Being a slightly adventurous beagle, he made the decision to wander off into the vast unknown forest near Beagleton, taking with him nothing but his exceptionally floppy ears, his fabulously waggedy tail, and that adorable puppy-dog look that has long been the main weapon in beagles’ snuggly arsenal, all ready for any sudden situation that may warrant an onslaught of “Awwwwwlookathimhe’ssocute”. During his first night in the forest, Bobo remarked to himself how cold it got without his fuzzy bed. He also could not help but notice how lonely it got without Jennifer Grey’s intoxicating gaze watching over him in his adorable puppy-sleep. Settling into a burrow of dried grass and pine needles he had used to create a bed (he could not wipe the smug look off his face, thinking of how, were the other beagles of Beagleton to see him, they would “Oooo” and “Ahhhh” at his Man-vs-Wild-ness), Bobo dreamt of bigger and better things than his small den. He dreamed of traveling to Hollywood to achieve the dream of all beagles: becoming the lap dog of the incomparable Jennifer Grey. He was almost asleep, kicking his hind leg absent-mindedly, fluttering his perfectly cuddly eyelids. And then he was eaten by a pack of ravenous wolves. And thus we see that beagles, cute though they may be, will never be able to reinhabit the wild, and so should be adopted into warm homes with plenty of love, food, and a weekly viewing of “Dirty Dancing”.