Free Write - Feb. 24

Is there a finer food than Little Debbie's Fudge Rounds? If there is, I’m sure I have never tasted it. In fact, the complete gastronomical bliss attained while delicately savoring one of these divine bestowals of nature is utterly incomparable. Nothing on this planet can even approach the Fudge Round in its deliciousness or the spiritual fulfillment it provides. In fact, most other sugary treats will hide their faces in shame, knowing that they are not worthy to share a cupboard with Diminutive Debbie’s masterpiece. Many’s the time I have observed Ho-ho’s, Twinkies, Ding-Dongs, and Macaroons shy away from the pure, untainted presence of the Round. Even the presumptuous Oreo, with her self-absorbed conceit, cannot face the grace and simplicity of the treasured Fudge Round’s all-appeasing beauty without blushing. O, Oreo. You think you are perfect. You presume that we all crave you constantly. But we don’t. We don’t. There are times when that dry crumbliness of Oreo does nothing to a sweet tooth. There are times, and we all know them, when the only thing to quench our needs is a small, chocolaty, tantalizing slice of paradise individually wrapped by the gentle hands of Deborah herself. If Little Debbie were to assume human form (and I don’t think all her glory could be contained in the flesh), I would propose on the spot (if my wife let me).